C h a z a q It means "Strength" |
Senior Moments THOSE FLORIDA DRIVERS > > > > > > > > > >An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her > > > > >car has > > > > >been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to > > the > > > > >dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake > > > pedal > > > > >and > > > > >even the accelerator!" she cried. > > > > > > > > > >The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." > > > > > > > > > >A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. > "She > > > > >got in the back-seat by mistake. > > > > > > > > > >_______________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >FAMILY > > > > > > > > > >Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night > > > > >the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She > > > > >yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" > > > > > > > > > >The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She > > > > >starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" > > > > > > > > > >The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening > to > > > > >her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get > > > > >that > > > > > > > > >forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. > > > > > > > > > >She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see > > > > >who's at > > > > >the door." > > > > > > > > > >_______________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!" > > > > > > > > > >Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine > > > > >March day. > > > > > > > > > >One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" > > > > > > > > > >"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." > > > > > > > > > >And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer." > > > > > > > > > >_______________________________________ > > > > > > > > > >SUPERSEX > > > > > > > > > >A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing > home. > > > > >As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say > > > > >"Supersex." > > > > > > > > > >She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at > > > > >him, she said, "Supersex." > > > > > > > > > >He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take > > > > >the soup." _______________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >ROMANCE > > > > > > > > > >An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling > > > > >asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. > > > > > > > > > >She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." > > > > > > > > > >Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to > get > > > > >back to sleep. > > > > > > > > > >A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me. > > > > > > > > > >"Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek > and > > > > >settled down to sleep. > > > > > > > > > >Thirty seconds later she said:"Then you used to bite my neck." > > > > > > > > > >Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. > > > > > > > > > >"Where are you going?" she asked. > > > > > > > > > >"To get my teeth!" > > > > > > > > > >_______________________________________ > > > > > > > > > >DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER > > > > > > > > > >80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. > > > > > > > > > >She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can > > > > >guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" > > > > > > > > > >An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" > > > > > > > > > >Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough." > > > > > > > > > >_______________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >OLD FRIENDS > > > > > > > > > >Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, > > > > >they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. > > > > > > > > > >Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a > week > > > > >to play cards. > > > > > > > > > >One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and > said, > > > > >"Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long > time > > > > >... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, > but > > > > >I can't remember > > > > >it. Please tell me what your name is." > > > > > > > > > >Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared > > > > >and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" > > > > > > > > > >_______________________________________ > > > > > > > > > >SENIOR DRIVING > > > > > > > > > >As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. > > > > >Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, > > > > > > > > > >"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong > > > > >way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" > > > > > > > > > >"Hell," said Herman, "it's not just one car. It's hundreds of them > > > > > > > > > >____________________________________ > > > > > > > > > >DRIVING > > > > > > > > > >Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could > barely > > > > >see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an > > > > >intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. > > > > > > > > > >The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing > > > > >it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." > > > > > > > > > >After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the > > > > >light was red again. Again, they went right through. > > > > > > > > > >The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had > been > > > > >red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting > > > > >nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the > > > > >next intersection. > > > > > > > > > >At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they > went > > > > >on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did > > > > >you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You > could > > > > >have killed us both!" > > > > > > > > > >Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?" |
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