Hetero
2003-06-11 | 8:55 p.m.

OK THEN! Today has been really, um, hetero for me. I can't think of any other way to put it. The lady from a moving company came by to give me an estimate. I could hear her coming up the stairs, so I opened the door as she reached the top of the landing. She was a semi-cute redhead wearing very, um, contemporary clothing. Very soft, kinda high voice. Super sweet. So she came in and seemed really nervous. She just kept smiling at me. We went through my apartment and I pointed out all the stuff that is going. More smiles. Maybe she's just incredibly friendly. At first I was getting a headache from her perfume, but then I guess her pheromones kicked in. I realized she smelled pretty good. Suddenly the air conditioning wasn't working well enough, and I began to perspire a little bit. We talked about my move, exchanged laughs, and she was gone. She left, I mean. She didn't disappear or anything, though that would have been a cool trick.

I think a large spider is crawling on the back of my head right now, and I don't want to reach back there and feel.

SO THEN! I went to the health club, because today is abs and cardio day (my body is responding so well since I've been feeling better!!). I was doing this excercise for my obliques...side bends on this inclined thing...you can tell I'm not weight room jargon savvy even though I'm in there a lot. Anyway, there was yet another semi cute SUPER TONED girl doing these excercises for her abs on this bench. She had cool spikey hair and could actually wear spandex really well. I was impressed. Anyway, I asked her to show me how to do what she was doing. I never talk to people in the health club, really. She told me to lie down on the bench and lift up my legs. THEN! She actually put one hand on my butt and the other hand on my abs and guided me through the motion. I thought, "What is going on today?!" And she just left her hands in that position for a few reps. Interesting.

Then we talked about a few other excercises and she did this thing for her lower back right in front of me. Then she left.

I wasn't thinking, "Man I wanna get with these girls," or anything. It was more just shock that they paid me as much attention as they did. That doesn't mean they found me attractive or charming. They may have felt sorry for me for some reason. I dunno.

Anyway. That's that. I washed all those hetero cooties off after I came home. Now I'm listening to Dance Rave music.

back to top