Men and Women
2003-07-01 | 6:47 a.m.

Difference between men and women.

1. NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call

each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and

Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,

Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20,

even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller

and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their

bill, out will come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item

that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a

bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in

the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify

most of these items or what they are supposed to be used for.

5. ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is

the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men

kick cats.

7. FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never

worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A

successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man

marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,

answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for

weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate

during the night.

12. OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist

appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and

hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware

of some short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people

dwelling on them.

I thought that was funny. I'm moving in 20 days!!! HURRAH! HOORAY!! YAY!!

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