Rex
2003-08-18 | 12:48 p.m.

I was thinking of launching a new product. The commercial will something like this:

Fade in to a man playing with a yellow lab puppy. He throws it a ball and the puppy will grab it and run up into the mans arms. The man falls back onto the soft green grass in his backyard. It's spring and there are large flowering bushes in the background. The puppy drops the ball and starts licking the man on the face. He laughs with a deep, strong voice, and says, "That's enough Rex."

Then the man sits up, turns to the camera and says as he pets Rex, "You know, it's important that a growing puppy like Rex here have all the vitamins and minerals he needs to maintain strong bones and this healthy coat. That's why I feed him Kitty Chow. That's right. Kitty Chow. Kitty Chow provides Rex with everything his little puppy body needs everyday for an active lifestyle. It also gives Rex a taste for kittens and keeps the cat population down." Here the picture will change to a video of kittens being fed into a woodchipper while the man does a voiceover. "Kitty chow is made from the most spritely of newborn kittens. We make sure to put them in this environmentally friendly woodchipper while they are still covered in placenta in order to maximize the amount of nutrients Rex receives. I could tell you it isn't painful for the kittens, but I don't really know...or care. All I know is that Rex is going to be with me for a very long time...thanks to Kitty Chow. Thanks Kitty Chow." The video changes to a full grown Rex lying in front of the fireplace with a kitten tail wriggling between his lips. Fade out.

Wouldn't that make a great commercial?! "No," you say? Well, Saddam Hussein's sons used to feed people into woodchippers, feet first until they got bored..then it was headfirst. If you were disgusted by the idea of kittens being tossed in there, what do you think about the idea of it being people?

back to top