Whirlpools of Chaos
2003-12-13 | 9:31 p.m.

Earlier this afternoon I had a strange dream about my family. I have been dreaming about Texas a lot these past few nights and during the occasional nap. I think it's because I am dreading going back. It's just so soon to be going back and when I tried for so long to leave. I will be glad to see a lot people, but I don't know if I have really MISSED them in the traditional use of the word. I rarely miss anyone. Naomi. I miss Naomi.

The dream:

I was in a restaurant, and Troy and all my brothers were there. We were sitting around a large round table, and everyone was smoking. I had to go blow my nose, because smoke makes me sniffle. I was trying to open a door next to the table, and I wasn't sure where things were in the restaurant. I turned to my brothers and asked them if they knew where the restroom was and they all just stared at the center of the table. I realized then that no one had really been talking in a while. So I left and found the restroom.

I finished blowing my nose and was washing my hands when Kenneth walked in. He sat down in the middle of the floor and started eating a bowl of soup. Water seeped up through the tiles and rose in a whirlpool fashion. It rose above his bowl, and he kept spooning out of it. The water was rushing around me and it was hard to stand up. I fell and my shoes came off. He started complaining that the cook always put too much salt in his soup. Seaweed was catching on my legs and arms. I got up and tried to put on my shoes. I remember thinking, "It was so calm in here before he came."

I remember some of the rest of my dream. It was weird and I don't want to go into it...nothing disturbing...it would just take too long to set up.

Anyway, I guess that I really feel that way about Kenneth. His mere presence brings chaos. Mom told me that he is no longer working again, living with our oldest brother again, and basically back where he was when he was 17. Why can't Kenneth just get what he needs to pull it together? What would that be? Jesus? Kenneth has tried everything but Jesus, I think. Also, why am i more heartbroken for my friend who recently told me he's addicted to coke than I am for my own brother? Is it because I'm used to my brother's coke addiction?

We're all so messed up in this family.

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