Bill Burr
2004-07-04 | 1:57 p.m.

http://www.theonionavclub.com/ssf/index.php?issue=4026

Onion: What is funny?

Bill Burr: Michael Moore is funny. To watch him make a million dollars in film and still feel the need to dress like he just put a fender on a Ford Taurus, is hilarious.

"Hey, look at my trucker hat! I'm just like you, except I have bags of cash and health insurance, and I own a Manhattan apartment."

It's a great look. He's like the modern-day Mr. Green Jeans. I want to see him go on TV with a screwdriver, fiddling with a distributor cap as he does a late-night talk show. Or maybe dry off a gas cap with an oily rag as he's sandwiched between Ashton Kutcher and Jay Leno, talking about the War On Terror.

Mike, I saw you accept an Oscar. You got money. You got bitches. Stop dressing like you balance tires at Sears. You're not a factory worker. You're a filmmaker.

He can't keep this up forever. One night, he's going to be on Conan, sitting next to Julia Roberts, and he's going to want to get some celebrity ass. And that will be the last day he dresses like he's starring in The Billy Carter Story. He'll disappear for six months and reemerge in a Trim Spa commercial, dump his wife, and start banging Ren�e Zellweger. Next up will be a painkiller addiction, followed by a shirtless sprint up the 405, upon which he'll be mercilessly run down by an SUV. Then he'll write a tell-all biography, get his own talk show, and become his true self: somewhere between cheeseball celebrity and a guy working on his bass boat.

Answer submitted via e-mail. Bill Burr has appeared on VH1 and Comedy Central's Chappelle's Show. For more information, go to www.billburr.com.

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